Thursday, March 01, 2007
veri long nv come in le. hha~ stress stress and more stress. wat more ish dere other than stress. shuo dao stress. wo stress others oso stress. sho ii don hab e right tuu be even stressed. ii don hab e right. ii'm sho sick and tired of tis kinda life. i'm reali sick of it. ii wana give up on my studies. wo fang qi. wo tou xiang. okiies. forget it. was in such a bad mood frm morn start. didn even tok. c evrybody diao. hha~ den a CBK scold my fwen. who's helped me sho much. step on her leg scold her stil diao somemore. ki siao. i forced myself to stay in class. nt to look her up. as i kena moi nanny scold liao. scold dao damn cham. all on ii was iiresponsible. ii diao tat cbk. she bo ji come look fer me herself. oni noe how to complain. in e end moi jie ask me forget it. cos she veri wei nan. great. hha~ heng ii damn tired of it liao. otherwise she die. ii went home alone. long tym nv done tat. and i was kinda hapi i am able to go home alone. reached home in 20 min. stil tio gan. mom gan. sis oso buay song. dad come back oso gan. and i was irresponsible again. when i actuali called home to tel. and permission was given. den i was forced to call sch. cal cal cal. ming ming jiu bu zai. ming ming jiu mei ren guan. i stil must cal. hha~ forget it. i'm reali sick of evrythin. abt wat happened ytd. wo bu shuo le. bu xiang rang dear cao xin. hao xiang nian ta. hao xiang jian ta. wo zhi xiang yao he ta zai yi qi. qi ta de.. she me dou wu suo wei. wo ma fan de ren gou duo le. wo bu xiang zai ma fan qi ta ren. cos i'm iresponsible. wo shi duo me chao ji de bu fu ze ren. jiu rang wo zuo wo xiang yao zuo de shi. hao bu hao.. wo kuai ben kui le. wo hai pa. wo kuai ben kui le.
10:54 PM;
ii'm siimply hopeless
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
11.30pm. wo zuo huaii haii zii zuo leii lerrss. xiianq zuo ge guaii haii zii.. guo guaii haii zii gai guo de shen huo~ few more hours tuu meetin dear. hao gao xiin.. haviin a happiier nite today.. :]
7:27 AM;
ii'm siimply hopeless
intend tuu go sch at 4 today. but in e end ii bu xing ren shi. if not fer lin's alarm. i dono wat tym i'll wake up. too tired?? mayb.. dear went tuu my hse dere at 4 too. shagua~ dan xin wo bei blangah chi lerrss. sis goin to watch deathnote today de. but dad ask her can postpone not.. ltr shang le wo de xin. at tat tym i was like tinkin.. gou duo shang hen le ah.. wats e matter wit jus a few more scratches.. doesn make any diff eh. i wanted sis to go. but she don wan le. and mom.. say i bu ting ta de hua. sis argue. if i bu ting i zao jiu pao diao le. ta yi jing zai ting le ni yao zen yang.. but mom say i zao ta zi ji. evryday 2, 3 am slp. 5 jiu go sch.. i slp wat. and all.. study wat, where got jing shen. slp in sch again ah. yea. but i reali got ting ke. i got study. i did my hw. jus cant chng my bad habits.. didn eat much for e whole day. i guessed ii lost moii smiiles , laughter and moii voice w/o dear being arnd. i cant expect him tuu come here evry mornin. i noe tat.. and its expected tat he'll not turn up sometimes. but e little hope deep inside stil made moii feel tat much disappointed. its alright anw.. :] zhe ge shagua. rode a puntured tyre tat made his leg hurt here. and go back aft he noe tat i'm fine. shagua~ bey he's disappointed tat i'm not downstairs. but more relieved tat i didn go down. pon class today. and kena koh find. heng my actin skills not bad. *victory sign. LOL. first and last tym lahhss. i'm a good gal.
2:13 AM;
ii'm siimply hopeless
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
i jus overheard tat sis say dad tel her don go watch deathnote tml. " deng xia shang le wo de xin" haish~ wo yi jing gou duo shang hen le.. it doesn matter if ii get more. i don care. i und my daddy. i jus didn say much or tok abt it. it doesn mean i'm a blockhead or wat. she me dou bu dong. she me dou bu guan. mama stil feel tat wo zai fan kang. sis say.. ta yi jing zai ting ni de hua le. ni hai yao zen yang. ru guo ta fan kang de hua.. ta zai jiu tao zou le. hha* fucked up.. ii keep all inside. and i won speak a word..
7:19 AM;
ii'm siimply hopeless
Monday, January 08, 2007
today wasn a veri good day agaiin. e oni few minutes tat i truely feel tat i am myself ish in e mornin. i saw dear~ was reali reali hapi to c him. drink a cup of milo durin recess. and til now, 3.45pm. i'm eatin e oni muffin. didn quite feel like eatin till dinner. but he'll be angry if i didn do sho.. went to look for bel aft sch. i waited quite a long tym for her. i'm not givin me a face or wat. or showin attitude. but she got angry and say she hao hao wen wo got anythin to tel her. i mean i don hab anythin tat i feel like tellin her. she noes all. and i don feel like tokin. she confront me den stormed off. i went to e office upstairs and slept. b4 tat.. i wonder y. i cried. but fought back still.. i don wana cry. i'm angry at myself for tat. dad fetch me home. if not i gota stay till 5 again. jus get to noe tat he called my fwens. i was angry. i feel tat he gives my fwens no respect at all. and i didn noe he'll ring up dear too. yer predictions are right. he reali looked for euu. as i was readin yer blog.. tears swelled. but i couldn show tat i'm e slightest bit sad. e feelin sucks. evrythin bloated inside. i couldn cry or show anythin.. i'm goin to go crazy sooner or ltr. feel sho much like cryin my hart out. dad's here. popo's here. if i reali did.. i'm afraid i cant even use e com anymore. i'm feelin terrible dear~ i live for euu. now. i live for euu. i don c any reason i shall be myself except e fact tat u'll be sad. i wan euu to be hapi. but i cnt ask u to now.. i noe, i und. all i noe ish.. u're my life. i tink of euu sho much, afraid tat i might give up soon. mayb even return to my old self. i love euu. i don give a damn bout gals home stuff if i noe u're wit me. i reali don care. i'm serious dear~ i don wana leave u. especially right now. SHIT. i tink my eyes are red. no.. i cnt cry now. pls.. a while more. jus a while more. i'll hold back. but not now. bel hurt me.. dear hurt me too.. i dono wat tuu do. i reali dono.. i'm gona finish my small cake. don tink i'll be havin dinner. reali don feel like eatin. dui bu qi xianggong.. i love euu. and i promised too. tat i'll nv leave euu. i said it. and i won leave..
11:40 PM;
ii'm siimply hopeless
i hab alot tu say rite now. but my trail of tot was interupted by sis. she wana use e com. rite now ish 11.25pm. alot of tings happened recently. i'm startin tuu get tired, mentally. its been real long since i've been like tis. but as long as i noe dears arnd.. i guess all wil be okiies. i've been veri worried abt him, and ah gong. i wana hlp. i wana hlp sho much. jus wat can ii do?? i'm serioulsy willin tuu do anytin withiin my ability. inoe dear lost alot of energy le. can ii give euu all of mine?? how do ii do tat?? pls teachme how.. pls. i wan hlp ah gong oso. i wana visit him. haish~ dad and nmom came to sch today. dad toked to principle and my discipline head. ask wat documents must he sign to get me outa sch. oh.. e sch stuff again. moral of e story ish.. i stil am able to study wit e hlp frm teachers. dey don wan me to go.. sho now i hab to report to mr neo evryday immediately aft sch. sign in when i reach sch, and sign out at 5. sit dere alone rot.. i'm tired. i slept dere. i didn noe i drifted in to slp. all i saw was my dear. his image.. vividly. i saw, sho clearly. sho near yet sho far uh.. and when i'm awoken by mr neo.. i stil saw dear. but e first ting i open my eyes was e tot "where am i.. y am i here.. wat hab i been doin.. and den. oh.. i rmbed" took silver cab home. cost sho much. $6.30 can go pasir ris liao. but i don care. i can take cab lydat evryday and not eat. i don care. but my dear will be angry at me. lied on my bed and fell aslp again. when i woke up. its e same "where am i. wat hab i been doin.. y am i here. and oh.. i recalled again. oh ya~ i hab chicken rice jus now. i tried my veri best to finish it all. but stil left some though. i'm sowie dear~ i'm sho damn worried bout u. i wana hlp u out. pls allow me to.. i'm alright. i don give a damn bout wat happen to me okiies. i don mind. all i care for ish u and oni u. yer ah gong.. its 12 now. u're stil not home yet. jus try to slp pls.. don tire yrself out. it hurts me jus to c wat u're sayin.. but i'm real glad tat we're stil tgt despite all tis "obstacles??" probably.. wat ish a relationship if it cant even pull through obstacles.. but all tis ish abit too much for e both of us. i noe u're tired. i'm veri tired too. heavy. hen ai xiao de dabao. euu cant lose yer smiles and laughter okiies?? i noe its tough for u. don worri bout me. nth wil happen to me. i can handle em. HAO DAN XIN NI!!! haish. how long has it been tat i've toked and smiled at least. dear.. zhen de zhen de hao xiang ni. yin wei ni, wo cheng dao xian zai. yin wei ni.. wo jue de qi ta yi qie dou bu zhong yao. yin wei ni.. i'm stil arnd. for euu. i can feel jus how terrible u're feelin now. i'm sowie to not be able to hlp. sho pls teach me how.. don put up a tough front okiies.. hen xin ku de. don intend to slp today. don even tink i'll be able to get some slp. at most i go to sch earlier if dear not here again. 6 reach i oso don care.. haish~ren shen jiu ru tong yi chang meng
ru meng chu xing hou
yi qie dou da hui yuan zhuang
ren shen jiu ru tong yi chang xi
ban yan zhe zhong zhong bo zhe
rang ren cheng zhang
dao di xian shi shi she me
wo zhe me dou zhao bu dao
hai shi dui wo lai shuo
zi chuang de shi jie cai shi zhen shi
ren dao di shen lai gan ma??zhen shi shen lai huan zhai ma.. lishyan mingyan:
ren yi shi feng ping lang jingtui yi bu hai kuo tian kong bing xue jia shuang houzong hui yu guo tian qing
6:01 AM;
ii'm siimply hopeless
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
kena wake up by mom at 12. to da pao food. it was rainin like fark. i sheltered a lady and an old uncle. he eat my dou fu can.. e food was damn heavy. all soup stil got one big cup of drink. plus e water wet my whole leg. i cant take e heaviness sooner or ltr. but stil made it. course i must be able to make it. someone was sick today. but suffered moii naggin liao. beta le bahhss~ e part bout dad guess i'll not say much.
7:19 AM;
ii'm siimply hopeless
Monday, December 18, 2006
went tuu kovan to pei em play game.. owaes go dere. LOL. den feel like goin for bowlin.. gan lonq nv go liao nor* gaga. eat and went home.. was rainin heavily today.. hab fun tokin on e phone wit bel and all.. fell aslp aft dinner.. dono y. slept til 1 today lei. HAHA. in e end suffered a splash of cold water in my face. dad doins.. LOL. he owaes do tis to wake us up~ idiot. its cold can. LOL~
6:49 AM;
ii'm siimply hopeless
Sunday, December 17, 2006
had e aches today. slept at arnd 4.30 am. had e aches.. perhaps didn sit properly e whole tym and crouch for veri long bahhss.. i'm busy wiit moi ting in e room.. busy makin smth.. moii eyes are almost closed at tat tym.. if i close it longer i tink i'll jus drop dead. LOL. went to aunt hse for a big feast and majong. wasn in a veri good luck. lost all $10 at first. but in e end stil win $2.1o. gave moi da gu $2. she's hapi yea.. LOL. i'm sho nice.. oh ya. got back mp4 but it went bonkers again today. i'm fucked up by it. to tink i've stayed up til 3 e previous day jus to throw in 117 songs. e aches are killin me..
6:28 AM;
ii'm siimply hopeless
